I don’t know why I feel unfulfilled still. Yeah I still hurt from that one bad breakup but I understand. I don’t want to be with her anymore but it’s still on my mind. Nagging me. I still feel like my friends dont give a a fuck about me but they do. Two of them have my undying loyalty at the very least. I will always feel that way. Even if I do become a ghost, the first instance they need help, I’ll be there. They would do it for me and even if they wouldn’t, it makes me feel good to help out.

That’s what it’s about right? Make others feel good and you’ll feel good yourself.

I had a great night. Could have been better (would have loved to be balls deep in a good looking chick and wake up next to her only to leave shortly after) but I still feel really down.

I still have about 200 bucks, hopefully I can save most of it and get starting strength and a gym membership. I’m also wanting to start the ECA stack.

Someone I work with plays ultimate Frisbee, might do that in the meantime. Hell,  it’s free



Sadly, I would have loved talking to my ex. She’s the one person I would have loved to hear from, out of everyone else.

I hate to say it, but even her being unattractive, physically, she was still my first and still broke my heart.

That’s the alcohol talking but yeah it’s true.

Fuck me.


Yesterday  (tonight whatever) was my birthday. I’m still pretty low, saw my ex at Kroger though I didn’t stop or anything. It was good: I’ve lost weight and she has gained weight.

God surely is blessing me. I’m not very religious but I’ve been confirmed in the Catholic faith so I’m obligated. Haha she was fat as fuck! Life is good and I still feel I owever my friends a lot.

Blue skies and tailwinds.  May your path lead you to higher plains brothers!


One of my favorite quotes right now comes from The Witcher 3. Geralt talks to Ermion after the battle of Kaer Morhen and you’re given a couple dialogue choices. If you say you don’t know what to do, Ermion says “When doubts plague your mind, follow your instincts. Should they steer you wrong and land you in muck, you’ll land at peace with yourself. That’s what’s most important”.

Being lost isn’t all too uncommon, especially in young adults. I myself still feel lost. The biggest factor is taking action. To do something about it stops you from brooding about it. Do the first thing that comes to mind.

Right now, I am completely stuck in place. Unfortunately, my first reaction is to get away. I’ve caused so many problems, made my friends lose respect for me and barely done anything throughout the years to improve my situation. So many opportunities have flown by because in being stuck, the idea has cemented itself in my head that I really am stuck. What took me a while to realize was that I’m actually quite free. Most people my age are up to their necks in debt. I have a small amount of debt due to a trip to the ER but I don’t owe a dime otherwise. I am living paycheck to paycheck at the moment but all I need is about a year to be free of that. Then I can take a couple months to save a bit of money and go somewhere.

My instinct is to just walk, from everything as soon as possible.

Learn to be a ghost so I can grow as a man.


So here I am, starting a blog with the intention of writing about things that come to mind. Clear my head out or so to speak. Reader, feel free to follow along but I don’t have any intention of anyone reading this.